Starting Over
by Griddlebone
Summary: In Switzerland, Jason and Trini's lifelong friendship teetered on the brink of something more, but a night of passion and an ill-timed confession brought it all crashing down. Years later, as his plans to return home for the holidays are unexpectedly thwarted, Jason gets the chance to make amends... but he and Trini may not be prepared for reconciliation. JasonxTrini holiday fluff.
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter One**

Jason let his head fall back onto the couch, closed his eyes, and let out a deep breath. Outside, he knew the snow was falling harder than ever, but it was warm and cozy in his apartment. For a long time he just sprawled there, wishing he could melt into the couch and forget about the holidays, which he would be spending alone courtesy of the awful weather.

He had just begun to consider reaching for the remote when the phone rang. He thought about not answering it, but then he thought it might be his parents calling to check up on him and reconsidered. This would be his first Christmas alone. It didn't surprise him that they would want to check up on him, even though he'd spoken with them less than half an hour ago when he'd called to tell them his flight was canceled.

After the third ring, he grabbed the phone from where it was lying on the couch and answered it. "Jason Scott."

"Hi, Jase." Definitely _not_ his parents.

"Hi, Kim."

"Still in Chicago, eh?"

"Yeah," he said cautiously, growing suspicious. "I was supposed to fly out in a few hours, but my flight was already canceled."

"So there's no way you'll make it home for Christmas?" He could almost hear the pout in her voice.

"Not unless it suddenly stops snowing and they uncancel my flight," he confirmed. "And why does it matter to you?" he asked, teasing. "Last I checked you were in Paris for the holidays."

"I care about you, you know." He could practically hear her pout deepening. _But that's not why you called,_ he thought. Kimberly went on, "It's Christmas Eve. You shouldn't have to be alone for the holidays."

"And that's why you're taking time away from waiting for Santa to call me?" It was mid-afternoon where he was, but it would already be evening in Paris.

She sighed. "No." She sighed again and paused, as if trying to think of something to say. He waited her out. "I'm worried about Trini. She's all alone, too."

He frowned. "Her plans get snowed out, too?"

"Yes," she said simply. "And she's trying to act strong, but I can tell she's upset."

_Why are you telling me this?_ He wondered. _You know things haven't been right between me and Trini for a long time. _It took him a while to find a way to say it that wouldn't end with Kim being furious. "Sorry, Kim, but I have no idea why you're telling me this."

"I'm telling you because _you_ can fix it."

"I don't follow."

"She's stuck in Chicago, too."

He refused to take the hint. "It's a big city."

"She lives less than a mile from you," Kimberly said in the short, clipped tones that told him she was running out of patience.

"And we're in the middle of a huge blizzard, in case you missed that," he pointed out. He knew he was being ridiculous, just making excuses, but dealing with Trini was about the only thing he could think of that could possibly make his day worse. They had fallen out of touch years ago, which he considered an improvement over the not-quite-fighting they'd been doing, to the point where it was a surprise to hear she was living in the same city as him.

"Look, I know things have been weird between you. I've heard it over and over from both of you. But I can't have a happy Christmas if I know two of my best friends are alone and miserable."

"So your brilliant plan is for us to be alone and miserable _together_."

"Yes." At least she wasn't trying to deny it.

"No."

"Jason, I do not have the money to spend all night on the phone with her." She wasn't faking the hurt in her voice. And as much as he hated to admit it, she was wearing him down.

He glanced out the window and made one last stand. "And there's got to be eighteen inches of snow out there since yesterday, and more falling every minute."

He didn't have to see her to know she was smiling. "I think you'll find a way."

He grunted in response. "Gimme her phone number and address, and I'll think about it."

"Thank you!" Kim gushed. "You're the best!"

_And you're manipulating me,_ he thought without any real malice, but he dutifully headed over to the desk against the far wall to write down the number and address she gave him.

He could tell she was itching to send him on his way, but before she bid him farewell, she said, "I'm serious. You have no idea how much this means to me."

"Just remember: you owe me now."

She laughed. "Who knows? Maybe you'll be thanking me when this is all over."

"I doubt that."

"Stranger things have happened." He had to admit, he'd witnessed stranger things happening. "Now stop making excuses," she insisted. "It won't kill you to at least call and check up on her. This call, however, is killing my wallet."

"Go on, then," he said. And, "Merry Christmas, Kim."

"Merry Christmas, Jason."

And then he was left listening to the dial tone, with nothing to do and Trini's address scribbled on a scrap of paper in his hand.

-x-

**Author's Note:** Hi everyone! I'm sort of... taking a break from my other WIPs right now. I started writing this story almost two years ago now, and since I desperately need something to take my mind off end-of-semester stress, I'm posting it now. It is (somewhat) unashamed fluffy hurt/comfort holiday fic. I'm warning you now. There will also be smut. Think of this as the sappy holiday version of Coming Home. It's not going to be ground-breaking, but I hope it'll at least be fun.

I have the first several chapters ready to go, and I'm hoping to post a new chapter daily. With that said, I'd like to ask for your help in getting this finished and posted. If you want more of this fic, **bug me**. I don't normally ask for feedback, but it's a proven fact that comments and pokes (and prods), whether by review or PM or email, keep me on top of my writing.

Thanks for reading, and I hope you enjoy the story!


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two**

The blare of the dial-tone drone gradually brought Jason out of his reverie. He clicked the phone off and stared at the paper in his hand. Trini had been living a few blocks away all this time and he'd had no idea. It made him feel guilty, somehow. Guilty enough that he soon found himself at the window, watching the snow fall.

It was coming down in thick clumps now, and blowing more or less sideways in the strong wind. _You're an idiot for even thinking of going out there in that,_ he told himself. _You're more likely to just get stuck in a snowdrift somewhere than actually make it to her apartment. And she'll probably just slam the door in your face anyway._ But the idea held a certain appeal. If nothing else, it was something to do.

It wouldn't do any harm to go downstairs and see how bad things looked on the ground, he decided. He grabbed his coat and keys before he could rethink his decision, shoved the scrap of paper into a pocket just in case, and headed out. He locked up behind him and pulled the coat on as he made his way down the stairs, thinking all the while, _You're an idiot, Scott._

Not that a little unthinking recklessness had ever stopped him before.

The weather was just as bad as it had looked from his window, but that didn't stop him either. Someone had attempted to shovel the sidewalk outside his building recently. The snow was only a few inches deep, except where it had drifted.

_What the hell,_ he thought, _why not?_ He put on the hat and gloves that had been stuffed into his coat pockets, and stepped out into the blizzard.

If not for the wind, it wouldn't have been too bad. But the wind was strong and constant, howling down the street and threatening to knock him right over when it gusted. It cut through his clothes and threw snow in his face, but he kept going anyway. It was all of five blocks to Trini's place. He could do it, blizzard or no blizzard.

By the end of the second block, he'd begun to rethink his plan in earnest. No one had made any attempt to remove the snow since the storm began, forcing him to flounder his way through nearly knee-deep snow, and the roads were an absolute mess. It felt like taking his life in his hands just to make his way across, leaping over the huge piles of plowed snow at each curb and slipping and sliding through the slick slush that coated the pavement. The one small mercy was that most people weren't foolish enough to venture out in the storm, so he didn't have much traffic to dodge. And once he got past the main thoroughfares, the roads weren't plowed at all. It was almost eerie to see the city so quiet and apparently empty.

Almost an hour after he set out, soaked through and freezing, he found himself standing outside Trini's apartment building. He'd passed this building a hundred times. Now he wondered how long Trini had been living there practically right under his nose. There was only one way to find out.

-x-

**Author's Note:** Thank you to everyone that read and reviewed the last chapter! I appreciate your support! (And I'm very happy to be writing another Jason/Trini centered fic, too!)


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three**

It took him a bit to find the buzzer under all the snow. After that it took him longer than he would have liked to admit to actually push the button with Trini's apartment number next to it. No one answered.

For a long time after that, nothing happened. Jason stood there and shivered and felt like an idiot. _I should have just called,_ he thought. _I'd have saved myself a lot of trouble, and I wouldn't have to walk back home in this crap._

He was on the verge of admitting defeat when the building's front door cracked open and Trini peered cautiously out. For a horrified moment he could only stare at her. She was a sight for sore eyes, her brown eyes and black hair exactly as he remembered, and she was wearing a red sweater with a sprig of holly pinned in her hair. At first he worried that she wouldn't recognize him all covered in snow. And then it occurred to him that of course she would recognize him, and he ought to be more worried about her shutting that door in his sorry face.

She seemed every bit as shocked to see him as he was to see her. Then she opened the door wider and motioned him inside. When he was safely out of the wind and snow, she fixed him with a stern look and asked, "What in the world are you doing here?"

She sounded genuinely confused, rather than angry. He hoped that was a good sign.

"A little birdie told me you were stuck in this mess, too," he told her, smiling in a way he hoped would suggest it had been no trouble at all to drop in.

She frowned, clearly unimpressed. "So you just, what? Thought you'd invite yourself over and everything would be just like old times?"

"No," he admitted, because it seemed less likely to get him thrown back out in the cold. "It was suggested to me that I should keep you company because it's Christmas Eve and neither of us is able to get home."

She shook her head and muttered something that sounded suspiciously like, "I never should have told Kim when I moved here." To him, she said, "At least come up and dry off."

"Thanks," he said sheepishly. And he was grateful. He was damn cold and already sick of dripping all over the entryway floor.

"This way," she directed. She led him to the stairwell, and then up three flights and halfway down the hall to her apartment. He followed silently, trying not to stare too obviously as she climbed the stairs ahead of him. Time had been _very_ kind to her. He knew it had not been quite so kind to him.

Her apartment was larger than he had expected, roomy and spacious, well-organized and clean without feeling sterile. Trini disappeared down a hallway, leaving him to shut the door. He poked around the living room for a few seconds, glad that he was no longer dripping melted snow everywhere, before she returned with an armful of fluffy yellow towels.

"Trade you," she said softly. "I don't have any clothes that will fit you, but I can at least take your coat and let you dry off some."

He thanked her and handed over his coat, gloves, and hat in return for the towels. Trini disappeared down the hall again, probably to put his things where they could dry without making a mess of her floors. For his part, Jason sopped up the water as well as he could with the towels and wished he had thought a little bit harder about what he would do if she actually let him in.

He had no idea what to say to her. Nothing he could think of seemed quite right. _Why did I let Kim talk me into this?_ he wondered, even though he knew the answer. Kimberly had handed him the chance to see Trini again and he'd jumped at it. Too bad she didn't seem as into the idea of a reunion as he was.

With little else to do and not wanting to sit on her furniture while he was still damp, he made his way over to the window and moved the blinds aside so he could see out. The storm still raged outside, all gusting wind and big white globs of snow in the afternoon gloom. Behind him, he heard Trini head into the kitchen, followed by the sound of running water. Curious, he followed to find her heating water in a kettle on the stove.

"Where should I put these?" he asked, holding up the towels.

"The bathroom's down the hall," she replied. She was too busy rummaging around in a cupboard to look at him. "Just hang them over the shower bar."

When he turned to leave the kitchen, something caught his eye. "Mistletoe, huh?"

Having found whatever she was looking for, Trini turned to give him an unamused look. "I had a few friends from school over for a get together a few days ago," she told him. "I haven't finished cleaning up yet."

He thought about pointing out that the rest of the apartment was spotless, but then he thought the better of it. He had a feeling this just wasn't something she wanted to discuss with him. Rather than push his luck, he followed her directions to the bathroom and hung the towels up neatly. He took longer than strictly necessary, hoping to collect his thoughts without Trini there staring at him. To be honest, the mistletoe had surprised him. It hadn't even occurred to him that she might be romantically involved with anyone.

When Kim had called him, he'd been certain she was hinting that he should try to reunite with Trini. Now he wasn't so sure. He had never actually told Kim that he and Trini had once been lovers. He had assumed that Trini would have told her at some point, but he had no idea if she really had. For all he knew, all Kim really wanted was for two of her oldest friends to reconcile with each other. She didn't have to know what had driven the wedge between them to want to fix it.

"Damn it, Kim," he muttered sourly. "I hate when you mess with my head."


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four**

"Did you say something?" Trini asked from the kitchen.

Jason decided it was far too quiet in her apartment. "No," he told her. "Just talking to myself." In an effort to salvage whatever dignity he might have left, he headed back to join her in the kitchen.

Trini was leaning against the counter, her arms hugged around her middle. If possible, she looked even less happy than she had before. "So," she said, "did Kim tell you why she wanted you to come over here?"

He frowned. "I never told you it was Kim that sent me."

She tilted her head slightly, her expression all knowing skepticism.

"All right," he admitted. "It was Kim. And sorry to disappoint, but all she said was that since we were both stuck in this storm, it would make her feel better to know we were alone and miserable together."

Trini looked away, watching her kettle as if that would make the water boil faster. Looking at her, he wondered just how right he'd been when he jokingly said 'miserable'. Out loud, he asked, "You okay?"

"Yeah," she said. Her eyes drifted shut. She looked everything but okay.

"Because I can go, if I'm bothering you."

Her eyes snapped open and she fixed him with that knowing look again. "Jason, you know I'm not going to send you back out in that, especially when your clothes are all wet. You'd freeze to death."

He chuckled. It was only a few blocks to his apartment, after all, but her concern was touching. "Yeah, coming over here probably wasn't my best idea ever."

"So why did you?" she asked pointedly.

"I wanted to see you again," he admitted. "It's been a while." He couldn't tell if the answer pleased her or made her angry. Her complete lack of reaction was actually pretty alarming… and a blow to his ego. Had things really become this bad between them? "Trini…"

He wanted to touch her. He wanted to kiss her, anything to take that sad and lonely look off her face.

Before he could so something stupid, she said, "You showing up like this was the last thing I expected today."

"I'm not sure if I should apologize or what," he said, hoping to lighten the mood somehow.

"I could have left you downstairs," she said in an off-handed way.

He was trying to figure out how to respond to that when the kettle began to whistle. Ignoring Jason for the moment, Trini turned off the stove and poured hot water into the two mugs she had set out earlier.

Curiosity lured him over to see what she was making. "Cocoa?"

For the first time all afternoon, it seemed like the ice around her might be starting to thaw. "Would you rather wait for tea to steep?" she asked sweetly. He had no doubt she knew the answer to that question.

"Cocoa's fine," he said, accepting the mug and spoon she handed to him.

"I didn't have any marshmallows," she murmured apologetically.

He smiled, remembering. "Zack was always the one insisting on marshmallows. I'll be just fine without them," he assured her.

She almost smiled in response, watching as he took a tentative sip of the cocoa. It was bracingly hot, almost enough to burn his mouth, but it warmed him to the core. He hadn't realized how cold he still felt. In retrospect, he was very glad she wasn't heartless enough to send him home through the storm.

When he actually stopped thinking about their mutual past, this was almost… nice.

-x-

**Author's Note:** Thank you to everyone that has read and reviewed so far! I hope you're enjoying the story... things will start to heat up in the next chapter!


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter Five**

_Several years earlier..._

Trini woke slowly, feeling warm and cozy and lazy. It was just starting to grow light outside, the sun's faint rays were beginning to peek in through the window, but for now Trini was perfectly happy to stay exactly where she was. She was snuggled up next to Jason, with nothing at all between them.

Jason was awake, too, to judge by the way his fingers were tracing idle designs over her stomach and hip, but for now he seemed as happy as she was to just enjoy the silence and the closeness.

She felt vaguely giddy thinking about what had happened last night, when they'd taken the plunge and made love for the first time. The memory brought a smile to her face. It hardly seemed real, and at the same time it still seemed so vivid in her mind that she could practically feel him inside her all over again.

Jason rolled onto his side beside her suddenly, his hand slipping between her thighs as he pressed a kiss to her shoulder. She opened her legs obligingly, rolling her hips against the pleasant pressure of his fingers and wondering how she had managed to be around him for so many years without doing this. It felt so good, every touch electrifying, and now it seemed only natural.

As if he were determined to chase all the thoughts out of her head, Jason pressed another kiss to her shoulder, inching dangerously closer to the very sensitive spot on her neck he'd discovered last night. She tilted her head away to make room, but much to her disappointment he didn't kiss her again. When his hand stilled against her, she turned to look at him and realized he was just watching her.

For the first time all night, she felt awkward and self-conscious. What was he thinking, looking at her like that?

Worse: Did he regret what had happened?

He'd certainly seemed to be enjoying it as much as she had last night.

She pulled away, putting some space between them so she could look at him without being quite so... distracted. "Jason," she said, trying to ignore the way her body throbbed with need. How had she managed to deny the effect he had on her for so long? "Are you okay?"

That seemed to snap him out of it. He grinned at her. "I'm fine. Better than fine," he told her. "It's just... I'm going to miss this."

She felt like someone had just dumped a bucket of cold water on her. For a long moment she couldn't even think of anything to say, could only stare at him in confused and horrified silence. Finally: "What do you mean, you're going to miss this?"

The grin disappeared and was replaced by an expression that was both sad and distant. "I've been meaning to tell you," he said, quietly, like it was hard for him to tell her even now. "I'm going back to Angel Grove next week."

She stared at him for several more painful seconds. "Is this how you were planning to say good-bye?"

She didn't wait for an answer. She couldn't. She didn't want to know, not really. So she threw the blankets off and got out of his bed, dressing hurriedly in yesterday's clothes. All she wanted was to get out, get away from him before the shame and betrayal that were roiling inside her managed to get out. He'd slept with her, and now he was going to _leave her_.

"Trini."

She stubbornly ignored him, focusing instead on putting her shoes on.

"Trini, they need my help. How can I know they need my help and not go?"

She couldn't look at him now, though she wanted to. She could tell what he would look like, just from the tone of his voice. He would look like his heart was breaking, because it probably was. And if she looked at him now, she knew she would give in and do something even more foolish than sleeping with him.

"When were you planning to tell me?" she asked at last.

"I don't know," he admitted. At least he was being honest. "There never seemed to be a good time."

Her hands clenched into fists. Never before had she been this angry with him.

"Trini, I don't want to leave you behind here. I want to be with you, I do. But... they need my help."

She was beginning to realize just how stupid she had been to think she could have a relationship with Jason. A normal relationship, anyway. Because it would never just be the two of them. There would always be the others. There would always be the call of that power, the power that called so much more strongly to Jason than it did to her. He would always feel that obligation to fight to protect the world, and she would always feel that determination to find a better way, a nonviolent way.

She should have known it could never work between them. But she'd wanted it so damn badly.

If only it hadn't felt so very _right_.

"You know I can't go with you," she told him. He knew full well that she was needed here, at the Peace Conference, where she'd become a leader and had a chance to do real work for world peace. And deep down she knew that was why he'd avoided telling her about his plans to leave. He hadn't wanted to hurt her. He hadn't wanted to let her down.

That didn't make it hurt any less.

"Trini, wait."

She actually considered it for a moment, but in the end she knew there was nothing she could do that would change his mind. If his friends needed his help, then that was where he would be.

And she would be here in Switzerland, all but alone and missing him desperately. She had other friends here at the Peace Conference, that much was true. She wouldn't be completely alone. But only Jason and Zack truly knew the real her. They were the only ones that knew all her secrets.

But as wonderful and supportive as Zack was, it was Jason that knew her body and soul. Losing Jason was like losing a part of herself.

For an instant, she wondered if they might somehow be able to make a long-distance relationship work... but after this she knew it was hopeless. How could she send him halfway across the world, back into the fight against incredibly powerful enemies? How could she get through her days, craving his touch and knowing he was half a world away?

Somehow, it seemed like it would be easier if she stayed angry with him.

It would have been easier still if he'd told her about his plans _before_ they slept together, but there was no going back now. What was done was done...

He said her name again, pleading with her to stay and try to work things out, but it was too late. It hurt too much.

She turned and fled.

-x-

Author's Note: Sorry this is a bit late! I ended up being really busy today and only got a chance to post now. I hope this chapter makes sense... I have gone over it so many times I think my brain isn't working anymore. At any rate, every fifth chapter of this story will give some insight into Trini's background and mindset here.

Thanks for all the encouragement so far. I hope you all continue to enjoy the story!


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter Six**

Trini kept watching as Jason polished off the rest of the cocoa, sipping at her own mug from time to time. When he had finished, she set both of the mugs aside. "You still look half frozen," she observed, frowning slightly.

It hadn't occurred to him until that moment that he must look like hell. He'd been too awestruck at being in her presence again after all this time.

"Go hop in the shower," she decided. "I'll take your clothes down to the laundry room and try to get them dry."

He resisted the urge to smirk at the fact that she had basically just told him to get naked. After all, she'd been fairly obvious about not joining him in the shower. He was an idiot to even think about it, but once he did think about it, he couldn't seem to get the thought out of his head.

"Go," she prodded. "I know you're not shy enough to risk hypothermia."

He considered resisting just to see how she would react if he pushed her, but he knew that with his health on the line this was a fight he would lose. Trini didn't take situations like this lightly. She never had, and she probably never would. So it was in his best interest to just do what she wanted… for now. A warm shower wouldn't kill him, no matter how awkward it made him feel.

"I'm going, I'm going," he said.

She watched warily as he headed out of the kitchen. "Just leave your clothes in the hall," she called after him.

He shut the bathroom door behind him in case she changed her mind and decided to throw him out in spite of the cold and his wet clothes, and frowned at his reflection in the small mirror. It was bad enough that he'd showed up unannounced on Christmas Eve in the middle of the worst blizzard to hit the Midwest in years. Now here he was, standing in her bathroom and wanting nothing more than to get back together with her.

The worst part was, it wasn't just physical. He could have dealt with that, or at least excused it as mere lust. But it was more than that. He'd tried his best to ignore it all these years, but it had hurt to be without her. He'd missed that calming presence.

Seeing her again, being near her again, was stirring up all sorts of very strong feelings that he'd tried to bury a long time ago and now he felt more than a little lost and confused. He wanted to do something, anything, to break the ice and get back even a semblance of what they'd had before. The friendship, or…

He tore his gaze away from the reflection in the mirror.

_This is all Kim's fault,_ he reminded himself as he stripped out of his clammy clothes and did his best to force the thoughts of Trini from his head. He had to admit, a hot shower and warm clothes sounded wonderful right about now, regardless of whose apartment he was standing naked in right now.

Half expecting to find Trini glowering at him, he left his clothes in a somewhat neat pile in the hall, closed the door again (but optimistically did not lock it), and headed for the shower. It was smaller than he liked, but he would manage. At least the water was warm.

He let it run for a while, watching it flow away, before climbing in. The water was hotter than he'd thought, but he let it go. It was better than being cold. It was actually almost relaxing, considering how the rest of his day had gone.

He needed to kill some time while Trini took care of his clothes, so he closed his eyes and let his mind wander while the water washed over him. Unfortunately, his mind always stubbornly returned to Trini, no matter how hard he tried to stick to safe thoughts. He'd missed her more than he thought, and he hated seeing how far apart they'd grown. _Not that I've ever done much to fix it,_ he thought ruefully.

He missed the way things had always been so easy… being near her, touching her, in the end even having sex with her had been easy. It had seemed so natural, almost perfect, back then... Suddenly he wondered what she would look like wearing nothing but that holly pin in her hair. _Down boy,_ he thought, even as he couldn't shake the mental image. _She's irritated enough just because you're here. No need to make it worse. Just be glad she's even letting you stay._

But that didn't make him feel much better. And it definitely didn't stop him from picturing her naked or wishing things had gone very differently today - or back in Switzerland. It was a nice fantasy to think Trini might actually have been happy to see him. It was a nicer one to think they might have somehow just picked up where they left off. He could practically feel her lips on his skin; it was easy to pretend it was her hand that gripped his cock, stroking as it grew harder. He knew he shouldn't be doing this, but the taboo only made it more difficult to stop. _And why not?_ he thought. _I've got time yet, and it's not like I'll be getting any tonight._

Well if that thought didn't kill his mood, nothing would. He dunked his head under the water and had to laugh at himself. He'd known from the start that this could only end badly, but here he was, getting all worked up and conflicted anyway. Right now, he had a real chance to patch things up with her and at least have a chance at having her in his life again. But to do that, he would have to put their past behind him. And he'd have to quit thinking with his dick.

A sudden knock on the door nearly gave him a heart attack and effectively put an end to what was left of his erection.

"Jason?" It was just Trini. Who else would it be?

"Yeah?"

The door opened. cautiously "Are you trying to make a sauna in here? Never mind. Anyway, your clothes are drying downstairs, but I stopped next door and Mr. Brown had some things he thought might fit you that you can borrow in the meantime."

He actually hadn't thought about what he was going to do for clothes while she was taking care of his. "Thanks," he said, though he really wanted to ask who this Mr. Brown was.

"I'm going to leave them for you inside the door here," she went on, leaving him no room for petty jealousy.

"Thanks," he said again.

"Take your time," she told him. He heard the door close again. When she was definitely gone, he sighed, wondering what that was all about. Was she just being carefully polite, or did she not want to deal with him? It was hard to say, so he decided to err on the side of caution.

He waited until his fingers had gone wrinkly before turning off the water. Trini had left a couple of fresh towels with the borrowed clothes by the door. Grateful for her foresight, he toweled off and tried on the flannel pants and matching T-shirt. The pants fit fairly well, though they were a bit short. The shirt was a little tight, but he could make do. It was better than hiding in her bathroom while he waited for his clothes to dry.

Steam billowed out around him when he finally emerged. He felt refreshed, if a little silly. And then he heard Trini talking to someone – angrily – and felt very confused. Had she been expecting another guest and not told him?

"How could you do this to me, Kim?" she hissed, her voice little more than an angry whisper. "You know how I feel about him." She was on the phone, then. And no more pleased with Kimberly than he was, from the sound of it. He took his time heading to the living room, where he found her curled up in the armchair. He took a seat on the couch, trying to ignore the fact that she was this riled up because of him.

"No, I don't think I will," she said sharply in response to something that Kim had said. She gave an outraged look before glaring at the phone and clicking it off. "She hung up on me!" she announced. "I'm sorry about that."

He shrugged. Sometimes there was just no dealing with Kim. "Do I want to know what she said?"

The sudden color that came over her cheeks made him more than curious, but she shook her head. "No. She thinks she's being helpful, like sticking us together will magically solve all of our problems."

_And you don't think we can resolve our differences at all,_ he thought. Not that he was very hopeful, either. Still, he was willing to try if she was.

His first urge was to ask what she'd meant when she said, 'you know how I feel about him.' Instead, he told her, "Trini, I came over here hoping we could at least be friends again."

She stared at him for a long time, like she was looking for some sign that he was messing with her. He wished she would see that he wasn't. Finally, she looked away and said, "I don't think that's going to happen."

He had never heard her sound so defeated before. And she'd never said something that hurt him so deeply. Not since the day she said, 'it's over.'

Stunned, for a long time all he could think to say was her name. Then, finally, "Will you at least tell me why?"


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter Seven**

Jason had never been completely sure why Trini had ended their short-lived relationship all those years ago. The only thing he was sure of was that it had happened when he told her he planned to go back to Angel Grove, where he'd hoped to take up the mantle of the Gold Ranger. He'd never had the heart to ask if it had been his leaving or the reasons for it that had caused her to break things off and cut contact for all this time. He still wasn't sure he wanted to know.

Trini seemed to withdraw into herself. She looked torn, like she wanted to say something but thought she shouldn't. He didn't really want to push, not too hard anyway, but at this point he might as well just go home if he wasn't going to go forward with this. "Don't I deserve to know the reason, at least? All I know is it's been years since you were even willing to speak to me."

She sighed. "I don't think you'd understand."

"What wouldn't I understand?" He had no idea why he was asking her to cut his heart out all over again, but a part of him desperately wanted just to _know_, once and for all, what had gone so very wrong between them. Another part of him wanted just as desperately not to know, but he silenced that part of him. They had been friends too long, been through too much together. It was completely ridiculous for them to end up like this and be unwilling even to talk about what had gone wrong. "How can I possibly understand when you won't even talk to me?"

"I don't know," she admitted. She buried her face in her hands, refusing to look at him. "It was so long ago... Can't we just forget about it and pretend it never happened?"

He'd tried to forget that night and failed. As much as he had tried to move on with his life over the past few years, he was still pretty painfully hung up on her. Seeing her again today had forcibly reminded him of just how much. She was one of his oldest and dearest friends, or at least she had been, and up until their relationship fell apart she had understood him the way no one else did. He missed that. He missed _her_. And remembering how sad and lonely she'd looked when they were sharing cocoa in her kitchen, he had a feeling she'd missed him, too.

For a moment he just watched her and tried to think. She obviously didn't want to deal with this situation, and the last thing he wanted to do was hurt her more than he already had, even though he'd never meant to hurt her in the first place. At this point he knew he had two really obvious options. He could agree to her request and hope that meant they could start over and put the years of stony silence behind them, or he could refuse... and try to stop that from escalating into more misery and a real fight. But at the same time he felt like there had to be another way, if he could just find it.

Abruptly he remembered her words to Kimberly - _you know how I feel about him_ - and wondered. Did she regret the silence and the lost time as much as he did? Had she missed him the way he'd missed her? It was probably wishful thinking, but suddenly he wanted nothing more than to find out. So instead of taking either of the obvious options, he asked, "Which part are you asking me to forget? The part where we made love or the part where we broke up?"

Her head shot up. She stared at him for a bit, apparently not understanding, her cheeks slowly coloring as she fully comprehended what he'd said. He wondered whether it was from anger at his question, or something else.

"I don't know," she admitted when she had composed herself again.

Jason had no real response to that. It wasn't much, but it was more than he had even dared to hope for. Her words gave him hope, but at the same time they left him in a precarious position. He had no idea how to move forward, because any move could be the wrong move.

"You look like a deer caught in the headlights," she commented. "Forget I said anything."

There was no way he was going to do that. Not when she'd all but handed him a second chance. "Sorry," he murmured, trying for her sake to seem less alarmed and excited than he really was. "But I can't."

"Jason, please –"

"I want to be in your life," he told her. It was vaguely terrifying to be so bluntly honest, knowing she could break his heart all over again and he was handing her the perfect opportunity to do it. But if he didn't tell her now, he knew he might never get another chance. It would be too easy to fall back into the routine of the past several years, the routine where they never spoke to each other and never saw each other.

He'd seldom seen her look so agitated, like she was about to cry. She started to say something several times, but ultimately gave up and stared down at her lap.

"Trini?" he asked, just to break the damned silence. "Say something. Please?"

She took a deep breath. "I felt like you'd betrayed me. I felt like you had _used_ me." When she finally looked at him, she looked every bit as hurt as she had on that horrible morning all those years ago. "Jason, you made love to me and the very next morning you told me you were _leaving_. It felt like my entire world was falling apart."

He had known she would take it badly when he finally got around to telling her he was going back to Angel Grove. That was how he'd ended up putting it off as long as he possibly could, and then blurted it out at the worst possible moment. But he had never realized quite how much it had hurt her.

Even as he thought it, he knew that wasn't quite true.

Her complete rejection after that day had hurt him deeply. He'd known there had to be more to it for her to react the way she had, but he hadn't wanted to think about it too much. And though at first he had intended to give her some time and space before trying to patch things up, life had gotten in the way. It had been easy to just fall into this silence and get on with his life. It had been easy to put off setting things right and wait for her to make the first move.

It was also completely foolish. He could see that now with perfect clarity.

_Kim was right,_ he thought grudgingly even as he struggled to think of a way to put his relationship with Trini back together. _I needed to do this. I should have done this a long time ago._

"Trini, I'm sorry. I never meant to hurt you."

-x-

**Author's note:** Seven days down! Woo! Thank you to everyone for all your support so far!


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter Eight**

Trini looked at Jason for a long time and said nothing. Finally, she took a deep breath and said, "I know."

Jason didn't know what to think. She knew that hurting her was the last thing he'd wanted to do, and she'd cut off contact anyway? That stung.

"Trini, it's been almost five years," he began, and realized that she had spoken again at the same time. Only she'd said, "I know that _now_."

He stopped talking to let her finish.

"But back then... Jason, all I knew was how much it hurt that you were going to leave me." She sighed. "You didn't give me any warning. And then there it was: the truth."

He didn't much care for this line of thinking. It was too ugly. Too messy. "I didn't have a choice, Trini," he pointed out.

"You made the right choice," she said quietly.

Now he was just confused. She smiled slightly. "You could have stayed with me, you know. But it wouldn't have been the right thing to do, no matter how much I wanted you to. And if you had... I never would have forgiven myself." The smile faded. "I know that now. But... I had to grow up first. I had to learn how not to take it personally that you'll always be dedicated to the world first, and then to anyone - everyone - else."

"And that was worth... this?"

"Don't think I'll forgive myself for the lost time, either."

He had to wonder, if he'd left it up to her, if they would have ever spoken again. On second thought... "So you told Kim to send me over here?"

She glared. "I never asked her to do that," she said sharply, maybe more sharply than she'd intended. Her voice was softer as she went on, "I didn't even know you were in town. But she... she knows I've missed you, and I guess she must have been tired of waiting for me to set things right on my own."

He'd never quite been able to be angry with her, even during the worst parts of their breakup or the time just after when the wounds were still raw, and now was no exception. He might have thought he was ready to confront this, but it was still painful to hear things from her perspective. He had always known that he'd screwed up by not telling her sooner, but he had never realized just how big that mistake had been. Rather than feeling angry that she was blaming him for what had happened between them, or for letting the silence between them drag on for so long, he felt regret that it had happened at all.

"Or she saw her opportunity, and she struck with her little matchmaker arrow," he said, attempting to lighten the mood.

Trini smirked. "I don't think she'd be quite that obvious if she was really trying to play matchmaker for us. She thinks she's smarter than me. She'd play it really subtle, not send you over here to keep me company on Christmas Eve in the middle of a snowstorm." She actually laughed a little, because she knew as well as he did that Kimberly would do exactly that if she thought it had half a chance of working. "We're all but snowed in. It's ridiculously cliche, even for her, you have to admit."

"Fair enough," he admitted. He still wouldn't put it past her.

She sobered, looking at him intensely, almost as if she were scrutinizing him. It made him a little uncomfortable. He couldn't read much into her expression and had no idea what she was thinking, but he'd seen that look on Kimberly's face a time or two, and it had never led to good things.

"So to answer your question from before," she said at last, "can we try being friends again first? And then see what happens?"


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter Nine**

Jason didn't realize he'd been holding his breath until he let it go. Trini wanted to be friends again? It was more than he had hoped for, by a long shot. He jumped at the chance, wishing he'd thought of it himself. "Of course!"

When she smiled, he thought he saw tears sparkling in her eyes.

_How did we let it come to this?_ he wondered. In the end, he supposed that didn't matter anymore. What mattered was that they'd come to the decision, together, to give their friendship another chance. No more awkward silences, no more subtly trying to navigate get-togethers back home to make sure they wouldn't run into each other. No more wondering what had become of each other.

_Okay, _he thought grudgingly. _Maybe Kim really _was _right. About everything._

"So, um..." Trini began. "Where do we go from here?"

Jason shrugged. "What were you planning on doing tonight?"

She glanced toward the window and made a face. "I was planning on flying home to Angel Grove tonight."

He chuckled. The snow was still blowing wildly outside, though it didn't seem to be falling as quickly anymore. "Yeah, so was I. But I guess that's out of the question now." He wondered idly if they might have been planning to take the same flight, and might have ended up running into each other even without Kimberly's intervention.

"Even when I found out my flight was canceled, I didn't think I'd end up having a guest tonight," Trini went on. "I don't even really have anything good to eat lying around."

To be honest, he felt a bit silly now, too. He really hadn't thought things through before he came over. He hadn't even considered what he would say to Trini at all. And now that the worst of his fears had been set aside, he was at a bit of a loss.

It felt good to just be in her presence again after all this time, and to know that at least now they were trying to work through their problems instead of ignoring them... But he really wished it didn't feel quite so awkward now. Somehow, he'd thought they would just pick up where they had left off and everything between them would just magically be set right.

He should have known it wouldn't be that easy. The break up had happened years ago, and in those years their feelings toward each other had had plenty of time to fester. If they wanted things to work out now, they would have to work for it.

-x-

Author's Note: Just a short chapter today. Thanks for sticking with this, everyone. Tomorrow is my last day of class for the semester, so I should have more time to devote to writing and finishing this story in the very near future!


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter Ten**

_Years earlier..._

Trini wasn't used to hiding, but she wasn't sure what else to do. She knew that Jason was out there, somewhere, waiting to confront her about this. And that was the last thing she wanted to do. As much as she abhorred angry outbursts, she could feel one bubbling up inside her and threatening to come bursting out.

She couldn't deal with the situation right now, at least not in a way that wouldn't make things even worse.

And the worst part was, she just wanted to make things better, but she couldn't do that without losing Jason or sacrificing her own happiness. Or both.

She couldn't stop him from leaving. She couldn't even come up with a good argument against it. Jason missed getting to play the superhero - literally - in a way she never would. He would be happier back in Angel Grove, helping to save the world in the way he knew best.

But she couldn't go with him. She loved it at the Peace Conference, working as a teen activist for world peace. She loved getting to talk to people and meet people from all over the world. She loved not having to worry about monsters or aliens or space-magic.

The problem was she loved Jason, too. But no matter how much she loved him, she didn't relish the thought of being the long-distance girlfriend any more than she liked the idea of trying to go back to being "just friends". She might have wanted a relationship with him, but she didn't want to be left behind in Switzerland, never seeing him, and somehow trying to keep that relationship alive. She'd heard enough from Kimberly to know just how hard that kind of relationship could be even when the foundation was solid.

She wished Kimberly was here now to help her get through this. There were others she could have turned to, she knew, but she couldn't tell them the real reason why Jason was leaving, or why she was so certain he was heading home into grave danger. Kimberly would have understood. Kimberly also would have confronted Jason and put up with none of this nonsense in the first place. But then Trini would have been able to pick up the pieces and mend the hurts between them - the things she was comfortable doing.

She stared at the front door to her tiny dormitory room, half expecting Jason to show up at any moment to demand that they fix this.

She practically jumped a mile when someone knocked on her door. For a long time she considered not answering, pretending not to be home, or _something_. Then: "Trini, I know you're in there."

She'd been dreading this all morning: Jason.

He gave her several minutes to answer and when she did not respond, he said, "Can we at least talk about this?"

She crept closer to the door, biting down on her anger and letting regret wash it away. "What is there to talk about?"

"Let me in."

"No."

She couldn't let him in, because then he would see exactly how much of a mess she was. And she would have to look at him and face everything that she would be giving up.

"Trini..."

"Please, just go." Her voice threatened to crack. Her vision blurred, hot tears slid down her cheeks, the tears she had refused to cry until now.

He started to say her name again, but she cut him off. "Jason, whatever we had... it's over."

She waited a long time for him to say anything, but there was only silence. She wasn't even sure he was still there, and she was too pathetically afraid to go and look. Instead she grabbed the phone and dialed the now-familiar number almost without thinking about it.

"It's way too early for this," Kimberly mumbled sleepily into the phone. Then, remembering she had just answered her phone, she added an equally sleepy, "Hello?"

Trini was crying in earnest now. "Kim, I made a terrible mistake."


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter Eleven**

Trini's apartment was actually kind of cozy, Jason thought, now that he had a chance to look around. Trini herself had slipped out, under the excuse that she was going to the laundry room to check if his clothes were dry yet. He highly doubted they would be, but she clearly wanted some time to herself to think, so he'd let her go without a complaint.

It was a bit odd being there without her. Everything was quiet and still, almost devoid of life, except for the occasional strong gust of wind outside. And everything in the apartment reflected the woman who lived there in a million subtle ways.

In some ways, it made the awkwardness worse. Because he wanted things to work out between them. He wanted to be friends again, as impossible as that had seemed only a few hours ago. And even though they had both agreed to give it a try, things had gotten awkward very quickly as they both struggled to figure out what to do next.

Bored and restless, he wandered aimlessly around the small living room that was the center of the apartment. It didn't feel right to wander too far from where she'd left him, and he was genuinely curious about her life since the last time he'd spoken with her, but he knew better than to pry. Or start poking about where he wasn't wanted. If she wanted to tell him, she would.

The door opened and closed quietly and Trini came in carrying his clothes - neatly folded. He tried not to feel too embarrassed as she returned his things to him. He smiled and thanked her, and retreated to the privacy of the bathroom to change.

His clothes were still warm from the dryer, though just the tiniest bit damp yet. He must have been in the shower longer than he'd thought. Not that he was going to complain about warm, dry clothes, which were also _his_ clothes and actually fit. He folded up the borrowed clothes - then rolled his eyes at himself because of the haphazard job he'd done, and folded them again - and left them in the bathroom.

When he made his way back out into the main room, Trini was nowhere to be seen. He didn't have to wonder long to figure out where she was: the sound of a cupboard closing in the kitchen told him exactly where she'd gone.

"Better?" she asked when she saw him come in.

He chuckled. "Yes. Thank you."

He watched, confused as she dug through another cupboard before letting that one shut and moving on to the next. One more, and she would run out of cupboards. Finally, he couldn't stand it any longer. "What are you looking for?"

"Something to make for dinner," she muttered.

"You really don't have anything to eat around here?" He wondered what was in those cupboards, if not food.

She swiveled to look at him. "I was planning on going to Angel Grove for a week. I didn't want to come back to a bunch of spoiled food."

He couldn't blame her there. "Well, what _do_ you have?"

"Odds and ends, mostly. See for yourself?" She backed away, gesturing to the cupboards.

He did, and found mostly pots and pans, some dishes, and baking supplies. Flour, baking powder, some spices... Not exactly the makings of a delicious Christmas dinner. Spying a box at the back of the cupboard, half hidden behind the baking stuff, he said, "We could make pancakes."

She looked skeptical. "From-a-box pancakes? For Christmas Eve dinner?"

He shrugged. "You have a better idea?"

She opened the refrigerator, her expression dismal. "Not really, no."

"It's not so bad," he told her. He'd actually had worse over the years, having never bothered to learn how to cook properly. He'd been planning on having airplane food tonight anyway.

She reluctantly dug the box out of the cupboard and inspected it with distaste. It obviously bothered her to even consider eating the contents for dinner, but then, Trini had always liked to cook. Back when they were kids, she'd always been whipping up some concoction or another and convincing the rest of them to try it.

"Come on," he said, though he wasn't really all that hungry. "It'll be fun."

-x-

Author's Note: Thank you, everyone, for sticking with this. I really appreciate it!


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter Twelve**

In the end it turned out that she still had some eggs in the fridge, and they were able to make a decent meal out of it. And making the food and eating it together had the added benefit of making small talk much easier. They talked a bit about their lives over the past few years, but they talked more about the days before the breakup.

In some ways, it was nice.

In other ways, it was unnerving.

Jason was pleased to find that, once he stopped worrying about another explosion, he could talk to Trini more or less as if he'd seen her just yesterday. If he didn't think about it too hard, it felt like no time had passed. Like the breakup had never happened at all. But that scared him a bit, too, because he would have been all too happy to pick up where they'd left off back in Switzerland.

By the time they'd finished their dinner, he had hope that they could go on being friends at least.

Trini cleared the dishes away and dumped them unceremoniously in the sink to be dealt with later. Jason couldn't resist a chuckle; she might be grown up and living on her own now, but she still hated doing the dishes. She made a face at him in response. "I know," she said, no doubt recalling lectures from her mother, "I should clean it up now."

When they were kids, Jason and Kimberly had often cleaned up after Trini's baking adventures, or at least helped her clean up so she didn't have to do it all herself. Now he shrugged. "There'll be plenty of time for that later."

She nodded. "If it doesn't stop snowing soon, I don't know what we'll do."

"It looked like it was tapering off some earlier," he pointed out, though it had been hard to tell with the high winds. And sooner or later, he knew, the city would start digging itself out whether the snow stopped or not. Still, it was peaceful now, with everything come to a halt and muted by the storm outside.

Trini, by comparison, still seemed a bit agitated. She wandered out of the kitchen and back to the living room. Jason followed after a moment and found her looking out the window. He joined her there.

Everything outside was covered in white, but the snow was definitely falling more slowly now. And the flakes were smaller, not the enormous gobs of snow that had been coming down when Jason was out there earlier.

"What do you think?" Trini asked.

Jason shrugged even though her back was facing him. Somewhere nearby, a snow plow rumbled past. "It's getting better. We may even end up not getting snowed in."

Trini sighed and slipped past him, away from the window. She slumped back down in the easy chair nearby, which Jason was beginning to realize must be her favorite. He took a seat a safe distance away on the couch. He wasn't sure yet just how much she would tolerate him being close to her, and didn't want to push his luck. Too much.

"I'm sorry," she said after a few moments of awkward silence. "I don't really have a lot to do around here. I'm not here all that often, usually."

"I don't mind," Jason assured her, although he did find the silence a bit worrying. "Life's been pretty hectic lately. This is a nice change of pace."

She gave him a wry look. "And a bit of a surprise?"

He grinned. "Well, if you'd asked me yesterday if I thought I'd ever see you again, I would've said no. So yeah, it's a nice surprise, too."

To his surprise, that actually made her smile.


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter Thirteen**

It was hard to play it cool and settle for "just friends" when every moment he and Trini spent together had Jason missing their old days in Switzerland more and more. They'd been friends practically their whole lives, ever since Trini and her family had first moved to Angel Grove, but it had been different once they left for the Peace Conference in Geneva. Without their parents around to supervise and their other friends to poke fun, they'd quickly become more physically affectionate with each other.

He remembered fondly many afternoons spent sprawled on a couch much like the one he was sitting on now, with Trini snuggled up against him, reading some textbook or another. Those had been wonderful afternoons, some of the most calming and enjoyable of his life.

He'd spent a lot of time trying to forget them, when he thought he'd never see her again. He remembered them now.

She'd fit against him just perfectly back then. It had been easy and comfortable to lie there with her like that.

At the time, he'd been surprised to find himself suddenly falling in love with her and with the closeness they shared, but looking back he thought it made perfect sense. In a strange country, surrounded by people they didn't know and facing enormous responsibilities as Peace Conference delegates, they'd become even closer than they'd ever been before. Even sharing the secret of being Power Rangers hadn't brought them so close.

Small wonder that they'd become lovers at the end.

Too bad, he thought ruefully, that it had taken them so long to take that final step. Now all he had of that love was the memory of the one night they spent together before everything fell apart.

He realized now that he should have told her how he felt long before he did. If he had, their relationship wouldn't have been so new and rocky, and Trini might not have felt as hurt and threatened as she had by his plans to go back to Angel Grove. They could've given the long distance thing a try the way Kim and Tommy had, even knowing that it hadn't worked out for their friends in the end. They still could have tried, at least.

Better that than... this.

Although, he thought, this was better than before. He watched her now out of the corner of one eye. She was curled up in her chair, idly reading a book and ignoring him and the television.

He hadn't even noticed the damn TV until she'd turned it on to break the lingering silence. Like some complete creeper, he'd been perfectly happy just to sit in the same room as her and forget everything else. So in the end she had flicked on the TV, and now the sound of sappy Christmas movies filled the room.

It made him sleepy, but he didn't want to risk falling asleep on her couch and making a complete ass of himself. So he thought back to the good old days and wondered how long it would be before she kicked him out. The storm outside had been dying down for a while now. Soon it would be almost nice outside.

He didn't like the thought of leaving, and didn't relish the idea of going back to his empty apartment tonight. But it was ridiculously presumptuous to think she would let him stay the night. As much as it might have been fun to reconnect with her enough for that... he wasn't fool enough to expect it.

She might have let him back into her life, but she was still wary. And he couldn't really blame her. He'd screwed up in a big way back then. It would take time and effort to rebuild the trust between them.

He wished it wouldn't, because being with her like this again was doing all kinds of unpleasant things to his heart. He wanted so much for the space and awkwardness between them to simply disappear so he could hold her again.

He told himself he shouldn't wish for more than that, but he did anyway. He wanted to kiss away her doubts and loneliness. He wanted to make love with her again, and wake up beside her on Christmas morning. And every morning after that.

The strength of his feelings surprised him. He'd expected emotional turmoil when he came over here, but he hadn't thought it would be this intense. One moment he felt calm, able to live in the moment and accept that they would have to take things slow, but that one day they could be close again. The next, it would hit him all over again and he'd think he would go out of his mind if he couldn't find a way to reclaim what they'd once had.

And somehow Trini seemed oblivious to all of it, or else she was just absorbed in her own thoughts. As he watched her, he realized she wasn't really reading that book. She was just flipping through the pages as a way to keep herself occupied. She'd done the same thing a lot when she was nervous back at the Peace Conference. He'd thought it was a cute habit back then, and his opinion hadn't changed. While others might get defensive or snappish when they were nervous, Trini simply channelled that energy into fidgeting or flipping through a book and never let it touch her calm center.

Jason envied her somewhat for that. He preferred to burn off any nervous energy by working through his katas or spending time at the gym.

He would have liked to do either of those things now. Watching Trini was soothing, in its own way, but it wasn't doing much to help his nerves.

"Jason, you're staring," she pointed out a moment later. She hadn't even looked up.

Abashed at having been caught, he asked, "Am I that obvious?"

"Yes." She closed her book and set it aside. "Mind telling me what you're thinking so hard about?"

He briefly considered his options: try to come up with something to sound smooth, or just tell her the truth. In the end, he opted for the truth. "You."

-x-

Author's Note: We're almost halfway through this story! That means things will be heating up again soon...


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter Fourteen**

Trini tried and failed to mask how flustered she was by his blunt answer. "Me?"

Jason refused to regret his honesty. He didn't want to dance around his thoughts or feelings any longer. "You."

Her dark eyes fixed on him, her expression betraying her concern. "Why?"

He met her gaze and shrugged slightly. "In case things go bad again. I don't want to forget anything."

She looked away first. "I don't want to fight again."

On that much, at least, they were agreed. "I don't want to lose you again," he told her.

"I'm not going anywhere," she protested, though it seemed to him that he was the one who ought to be saying that to her. After all, he was the one that had left her in Switzerland. In all the years they'd been friends, she'd never once given him cause to doubt her devotion, and he knew she never would. She simply wasn't like that. She never had been. Once she decided she was your friend, then she was your friend for life - or until you gave her reason to think otherwise. That steadfast, earnest loyalty was one of the things he'd always liked best about her.

"I know," he told her. "But I don't know how long it'll be before I mess things up again."

"Jason..." She trailed off and sighed. He knew her well enough to know she wasn't going to deny his share of the responsibility for the way things had fallen apart between them. It seemed even she didn't know what to say next. Finally: "Jason, what are you trying to get at?"

"That I'm sorry I screwed up, and maybe next time we should talk about it instead of not speaking to each other for years," he admitted, feeling a bit sheepish. It wasn't _everything_ he was thinking about or potentially trying to get at, but it was a good enough summary to get a conversation going. He wanted to show her that he'd grown up during their years apart, just as she had.

He wasn't the same selfish, cowardly asshole that he'd ended up being back in Switzerland. Or at least, he hoped he wasn't.

He didn't know how to tell her, but losing her had been a wakeup call. He'd never again made the mistake of so callously ignoring his partner's feelings just because he would rather live with the status quo a while longer. That was a mistake he intended never to repeat. And before he left her tonight and went back to his own apartment, that was something he wanted her to know. He just didn't know how to tell her without dredging it all back up again, which was something else he wanted never to do again.

She smiled and came over to sit next to him on the couch as if she were aware of his wildly rushing thoughts. And maybe she was. She'd always been good at reading people.

Her hand found his and squeezed reassuringly.

"I promise," she began, looking down at their joined hands.

Jason stared at their hands, too, enjoying the warmth and solidity of her hand in his. It felt as if, for the first time all day, she'd become real to him. In that small contact, it hit him all at once just how much he'd missed touching her. Even the innocent, incidental touches had been a constant reassurance of the strength of their friendship.

She went on, "If there is a next time, we'll talk about it before doing anything drastic. Okay?"


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter Fifteen**

The day Jason left Switzerland was difficult for Trini. She knew it was coming; Zack had relayed the details. She hadn't told him what had happened between her and Jason that night and, to judge by the way he didn't understand the magnitude of their fight, Jason hadn't told him, either.

It seemed like it should be better that way, but she felt like she was losing Zack, too. When she'd alienated herself from Jason, it had created a distance between her and Zack that hadn't been there before, and she wasn't sure how to fix that without telling him everything that had happened. And though she trusted Zack not to hurt her if she spilled her guts to him... she'd trusted Jason, too.

And Zack was Jason's friend every bit as much as he was hers. It wouldn't be fair to put him in a position where he might have to choose a side.

So Zack went with Jason to the airport and Trini stayed home and felt sour and lonely and hurt.

It never should have ended like this.

And yet she couldn't think of a solution that didn't end in heartache for one or both of them. As much as she'd enjoyed herself at the time, she couldn't help but think that making love with Jason had been a mistake. Kimberly insisted otherwise, but Trini thought that without _that_ lying between them... she and Jason probably could have done the long-distance thing with their friendship intact.

If he had just told her earlier about his plans to leave, it was easy to think she would have stopped things before they got out of hand. That she would have distanced herself instead of kissing him that day... instead of making out with him in secret, instead of going to the dance with him later that week, and definitely instead of ending up in bed with him after that. But that was in hindsight. In the heat of the moment, she hadn't even considered saying no. It had felt too good and she'd been enjoying herself too thoroughly.

She wondered if she would ever feel like that again. Kimberly had assured her that she would, and she'd been speaking from personal experience when she said it. But it was hard for Trini to accept that right now. The wounds were too fresh. And a part of her still hoped, however impossible she knew it was, that somehow things would work out so she didn't have to lose Jason this way.

But the day came and went, and Jason left her behind and went back to Angel Grove to save the world.

And as the days after that passed, she filled her time with other things, and eventually the pain became less urgent and more of a dull ache in her heart. She still found herself thinking of Jason from time to time, wondering where he was or what he was doing... but Kimberly was right. It got easier with time.

-x-

Author's Note: And now it's time to begin the process of healing the rift between these two... Hopefully there will still be some fun and entertaining moments along the way. Thanks for reading!


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter Sixteen**

Sitting on the couch and holding Trini's hand, Jason felt like a teenager all over again. But he supposed that in some ways that was good, because it meant they were moving back toward where their relationship had been before.

And although he couldn't help but replay certain alluring moments from that earlier relationship in his head, he tried to behave himself for her sake. She was obviously still hurting from the split. If he pushed his luck too much now, he'd just be a jerk. And Trini deserved better than a jerk.

Trini deserved the best.

In retrospect, he was surprised that he'd never felt angry at her for what had happened. But he'd only ever felt confused and sad at the way their friendship had ended. Even when she'd hurt him more deeply than anyone else ever had, simply by removing herself from his life, he'd known she was special. She was a woman worth fighting for, even though he'd been too stupid to fight at all.

Well he could fight now.

The thought came out of the blue so suddenly he wasn't entirely sure what he meant by it. Fight what? Apathy? Fight to make her see how much he still cared with her and wanted to be with her? Or just to show her that she was appreciated. And with that he knew what he would do.

He let go of her hand and left her there, heading for the kitchen.

"Jason?" she asked, obviously confused. And why wouldn't she be? He hadn't given her any clue as to what he intended. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," he assured her.

He heard the soft sound of her footsteps as she got up and followed him. "Then what happened?" She sounded a little hurt, like she'd thought things were going well and then he'd made her reconsider.

"Nothing," he said again. "I'm just going to the kitchen."

He could all but hear the frown in her voice. She stopped in the doorway, watching him pensively. "Why?"

He flashed her a grin. "To do the dishes."

"You don't have to do that," she pointed out.

Of course he didn't. Still, "You let me in out of the storm when you could have sent me home like the idiot I am. And then you got my clothes dry and made me dinner. The least I can do is clean up."

She didn't protest and he didn't try to defend himself any further. She just stood there in the doorway, her arms crossed as she watched him do the dishes. It felt oddly good to be _useful_ to her, to take care of something he knew she hated doing, instead of just being an awkward, unwanted guest in her home.

By the time he'd finished and all the dishes from their simple dinner were laid out to dry, she was smiling.

"Thank you," she said quietly, and he realized with a start that she was standing directly under the mistletoe.

A part of him wanted very much to push his luck, to go over there and kiss her under the mistletoe... but that part of him was also enjoying the fantasy that she'd harbored feelings for him all these years the same way he'd had feelings for her, and that all they had to do was move past the awkward uncertainty and they would both find themselves ready to pick up where they'd left off.

The rest of him knew that was ridiculous. Trini didn't hate him, she'd made that clear. She was willing to forgive the past and move forward. And she'd dropped hints that a future relationship might not be entirely out of the picture, but she had also made it clear that she couldn't yet trust him to be more thoughtful and mature than he had been in the past. Pushing to kiss her now was just going to show her that he was every bit as selfish as he had been before.

If only the thought of kissing her weren't so damn tempting.

He knew he'd been overthinking it too long when her brow furrowed. She glanced up, caught sight of the mistletoe and promptly flushed bright red. He waited, giving her a chance to escape gracefully, but she didn't move. She stayed exactly where she was and stared him down, acknowledging that she'd walked into her own trap. Daring him to do something about it.

Before he even realized what he was doing, he was at her side. She looked a little uncertain when he tugged her close... and planted a kiss chastely on her cheek. He'd intended to make a cheeky comment afterward to defuse the tense situation, but every last thought went out of his head when she took his head in her hands and kissed him full on the lips.


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter Seventeen**

"I missed something," Jason said when he remembered how to speak. He could hardly think straight, let alone form a coherent sentence. "I thought you wanted to be friends again."

"I do," Trini told him as if it were plain as day.

He paused before answering, officially confused. "Then what was that?"

"That was my attempt at shocking you out of this mopey silence where you think what happened was all your fault and that somehow it's all up to you to fix it."

Well, she'd managed to shock him, at least. He still couldn't quite believe that she'd actually kissed him. That the kiss had been every bit as good as he had imagined it would be didn't surprise him in the least.

Belatedly, he realized that he'd never let her go after their kiss. And that she seemed to have no problem whatsoever with him holding her. In fact, she was leaning into him. He'd half expected her to freak out or run, but she seemed to have decided what she wanted to do and gone for it. It made him feel a little giddy that what she'd wanted to do was kiss him.

"But," he began, thinking to protest. It _was_ his fault. He was the one that had decided to go back to Angel Grove, without even knowing for sure there was anything he could do to help his friends. He was the one that had been too cowardly to tell Trini about his plans until it was too late. Sure, he might have hoped for her not to react so badly, but he was the one that had laid the groundwork for that.

"Stop," she said quietly.

He made the mistake of looking into her eyes, and couldn't bring himself to look away.

"There's no reason to assign blame or try to set things right at this point," she told him. "It was years ago. We apologized. We agreed to try being friends again. Stop overthinking it and try to relax."

How did she expect him to relax when he wanted nothing more than to carry her to the bedroom and spend Christmas Eve making love like they'd never been apart? But if he really tried to think about it, she was right. It wasn't until she'd taken a chance and thrown him completely off balance that he really let go of the past, even for a few seconds.

And what a difference a few seconds made.

Holding her felt like coming home. Like this might not be a terrible way to spend Christmas after all.

"You're overthinking it again," she pointed out, gently teasing.

"I can't help it," he protested. _And you're not helping, pressing up against me and being completely distracting like that._ It almost made him wonder if she was doing that on purpose, the way she had apparently deliberately stood under the mistletoe until he took the bait.

She shifted to rest her head on his shoulder.

"So does your ingenious plan go any further than this?" he asked. He certainly wasn't going to complain if it didn't, but he wanted to know for sure where they stood.

"I haven't thought it all the way through yet," she admitted. "But I needed you to loosen up a little. And..." She paused, shaking her head slightly. "I don't know."

For some reason, he had a feeling she knew, but she didn't want to say what was on her mind. He made up his mind not to pry, to let her tell him in her own time, if she wanted to, but she had other ideas.

"I think... when you walked in while I was talking to Kimberly on the phone, that maybe you got the wrong impression," she told him. "I wasn't angry at her for sending you over here because you hurt my feelings all those years ago."

And he was right back to confused.

"I was angry at her," Trini went on, oblivious to his confusion, "because she sent you over here knowing full well I wasn't over you. She knew I was sad and lonely, so she worked her magic and there you were, and I didn't know what to think."

That would have shocked him more before she kissed him. But in her kiss had been the promise of all the years they hadn't spent together, but now had the chance to have. They might have joked about their friend's attempts at playing matchmaker earlier, but Kimberly really did know what she was doing when it came to making peace between her friends. Though in this case, peace was probably just the beginning of what she was trying to achieve.

He couldn't be too grumpy about it, not when he'd gone along with it every step of the way. And especially not when it meant getting to kiss Trini again.

"Please say something," she said, sounding vaguely horrified. "I just spilled my guts to you and now I feel like an idiot."

"Don't feel like an idiot," he protested. "Playing along with Kim's games isn't always a bad thing. Sometimes she sees things the rest of us don't."

Trini chuckled. "I thought starting over and being just friends again would be the safe choice here," she murmured, suddenly sober. "But why does the thought of being just friends with you make me feel hollow and sad inside?"

He would be the last one to complain if she decided she wanted to skip being friends and give being lovers again a try. But he thought that telling her that now might put too much pressure on her, and he didn't want to push when she had finally opened up about how she really felt right now. Up until now, she had only really been willing to talk about what had happened before.

Jason decided then and there that he didn't care about before anymore. She was right: the past was over and done. It was time to move forward.

-x-

Author's Note: Hopefully Trini's little revelation doesn't take anybody too much by surprise...


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter Eighteen**

In the spirit of moving forward and coming clean, Jason gave voice to the thought that had been dancing around the edges of his mind ever since he laid eyes on Trini once more. "Screw this."

Trini's brow furrowed.

"I know I can trust you," he went on. "I'm not afraid that you'll hurt me. And I'll do my best not to hurt you again. Why do we have to be friends before we get back together, just because that's how it's supposed to happen?"

She shook her head slightly, but she was smiling at his enthusiasm. "I don't want you to think I'm some silly, desperate girl or something."

"Desperate?" he mused. It wasn't like she was the only one that was still at least a little hung up on their failed relationship here. "Do you want me to beg my way back into your good graces?"

"I'll settle for you not rubbing it in my face that you showed up at my place after all this time and were so irresistible I had to kiss you."

He kissed her then for good measure, fiercely and deeply, until they were both breathless. "Now we're even," he said at last. "I've been wanting to do that all day."

"If we..." she began and paused, as if she were somewhat dazed. Jason sympathized. He could hardly make sense of what she was saying, between the thrill of kissing her and the way all the blood seemed to have gone rushing to his cock.

"If we agree to be a couple again," Trini went on. Her voice was slightly more steady this time. "It's not going to be weird in the morning?"

"It'll only be weird if we let it," Jason assured her.

"Will it?" she asked. "Because I really want this..."

She got as far as, "but I don't want it to be weird," before he scooped her up and carried her to the living room. His original plan had been to go straight to the bedroom, but then he'd decided that was too far and carrying Trini made it too awkward to keep kissing her. So he made it to the living room couch and settled there with Trini on his lap.

She wriggled provocatively as he trailed kisses down her neck. _Damn,_ he thought, _the things you do to me, Trini..._

And yet he kept picturing her the way she'd looked the last time he'd seen her. She'd been heartbroken, and all because of him. He couldn't shake the fear that somehow they would end up in exactly the same position in the morning as they had last time. And he didn't want that to happen.

He paused for a moment to compose himself before asking, "You're sure this is what you want?" She gazed at him with half lidded eyes and nodded. He went on, "Because this comes with a relationship. I don't do one night stands."

"Good," she said. "Neither do I."

In the instant before she claimed his lips for another kiss, Jason reflected that they really ought to have had this particular conversation a lot sooner.


	19. Chapter 19

**Chapter Nineteen**

Jason couldn't believe his luck. With Trini in his arms again, he felt like the luckiest man in the world. And then he realized it wasn't luck at all, it was good timing - and a timely push from a good friend - that had reignited the spark between him and Trini. And that spark seemed only to have grown in intensity over the years they'd been apart.

His heart raced as he held her against him, his hands exploring every inch of her that he could reach, slipping under her sweater to glide over warm, soft skin. She leaned into his touch, letting her eyes close for a moment as she just savored the sensation of his hands on her bare skin.

When she opened her eyes again, he caught sight of a devious look in those dark depths. She didn't give him any warning after that, but simply went for his shirt. He obliged her, letting her remove the offending garment even though it meant he had to stop touching her.

She explored his body with her hands, running slowly over his shoulders and down his arms, and from his chest down to his abs. He knew then that she was teasing him, but he couldn't help hoping she would go even further. When she didn't, choosing instead to skim her hands back up to gently tease his nipples, he turned the tables.

Her sweater came off next, along with the bra she'd been wearing under it. Her breasts were as beautiful as he remembered, and he couldn't resist cupping and fondling them - and leaning in to kiss each one in turn.

They took turns after that, slowly stripping each other, pausing to get reacquainted with each other's bodies every step of the way. It was agonizing to go so slow after having denied his desires all afternoon, but if she wanted to take it slow he was determined to outlast her.

The moment arrived almost before he was ready for it. They were both finally undressed and she was standing right there in front of him, completely naked and looking him up and down appreciatively, and all thoughts of taking it slow went right out of his head. She had avoided his groin in her explorations - deliberately, he had little doubt - but he was standing at full attention anyway, and he throbbed with need at the sight of her.

He practically pounced at her; she laughed and dodged, though if she had really wanted to escape he had no doubt she could have evaded him. He pulled her tight against him, savoring the full body contact as she wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him close for another kiss.

"You're beautiful," he breathed between kisses.

"You're not too bad, yourself," she teased.

He pouted. "Only not too bad?"

She smiled and found his hand with hers. She let their fingers intertwine, then guided their joined hands between them and down between her legs so he could feel how wet she was. He couldn't think, just reacted. He stroked the heated, slickened flesh of her slit, conscious of the way she was guiding his hand to rub against her clit, showing him just how to please her.

For a moment he was content to just touch her and watch her react - the tiny changes in her expression when he touched her just right, the way her breath caught when he did something she particularly liked, the way she began to move her hips against his hand as he teased her closer and closer to climax...

His hips bucked involuntarily as her hand suddenly gripped his cock and stroked firmly. That did it; he couldn't wait any longer.

He hooked his hands under her thighs, lifting her up so he could lower her onto the couch beneath him. She spread her legs wide to make room for him. He settled between her legs, took a moment to position himself, and slid his length into her welcoming warmth. She was so gloriously warm and wet and tight, it was all he could do not to start thrusting frantically the moment he was fully inside her.

She tipped her head back and moaned. "That feels so good," she murmured. She writhed against him, encouraging him to move. Jason took the invitation, rocking his hips as slowly as he could. He wanted to make this last as long as possible, still not quite believing that it was actually happening, but Trini seemed to have other ideas. She rolled her hips in time with his movements, urging him deeper inside of her, and gripped him tightly from within.

His willpower snapped. He pulled her hard against him with one arm, pistoning faster and faster into her until a powerful climax erupted through him. The force of it had him crying out in spite of himself. He couldn't remember the last time he'd been so completely overcome with lust.

He'd needed that kind of release even more desperately than he'd realized.

When the last of the aftershocks had faded and he finally let her go, he found Trini watching him with knowing eyes. "You okay?" she asked gently.

He laughed hoarsely. "Better than okay."

"Good," she told him. "I was afraid it might end up being... bad. That I'd built up what we had in my head, and the reality would be nothing like what I remembered..."

He made a sound of agreement. He'd had the same fears as she had, though the fantasies had far outweighed the fears over the years since their last encounter. And the reality had been every bit as good as he had hoped. It felt like she was made for him.

At least, it had been good for him. He was keenly aware, although she had said nothing of it, that he hadn't managed to bring her to climax. Yet. He would have to see to that. It was a challenge he fully intended to relish.

He moved off of her as best as he could without falling off the couch - not going all the way to the bedroom had been a stupid idea, in hindsight. She scooted over to make room for him. He fell in behind her and tugged her snug up against him so they were spooned together on the couch.

"Don't fall asleep on me," she warned, though sleep was the very last thing on his mind right now. "I'm not done with you yet."

-x-

Author's Note: Sorry this is late! Life caught up with me and I wasn't able to work on this story much over the past few days. Apparently I'm rustier at this kind of scene than I thought... I hope this doesn't disappoint. If all goes as planned, we'll be back to the chapter-a-day schedule tomorrow.


End file.
